Robot Baby

Kaemie brought home a robot baby from her high school parenting class. She has been talking about this for weeks now, and planned on bringing it to my house instead of her dad's. I really didn't think it would be a big deal. Of course, that was before the last twenty-four hours.

If you haven't seen one, basically it is a life size baby doll that is computer programmed to act like a baby and cry at random times. It has sensors that respond to feeding, burping, and rocking. When it cries, the "mommy" has to figure out what the baby needs and provide it in an appropriate fashion. The baby also has a floppy neck like a real baby and if you let it flop it screams. I think this is recorded as "abuse."

So Kaemie has this baby with her when I pick her up. We stopped at a garage sale, and many people thought she had a real baby. When they looked close, you could tell it was fake, but a quick glance could fool you. Several people commented on it. One lady told me to whip up some "sour milk" so when the baby cried over night I could dump the milk on the very same daughter who used to throw up on me. Sounded like a great idea until the baby caused its own drama in our household.

We picked up Kenna and all got home. Kenna has also been talking about this baby for weeks. She was excited about being an "aunt." By the way, I was not looking forward to being called "Grandma" all weekend, but I decided to do it for the sake of the simulation. Kaemie and I sat on the couch with Kaemie holding the baby and Kenna was standing by Kaemie to see the baby. Sounds like a very calm family moment, right? It was a very short moment, and then the chaos started.

The baby started crying. Swirley, our orange tabby cat, took off to parts unknown. We haven't seen her since. Puzzle, the black kitty, freaked out. She howled, which got my attention. I turned to see Puzzle biting the babies head! Puzzle got pushed off of Kaemie's lap when Kaemie leaped off of the couch. So Puzzle jumped onto the arm of the couch and bit Kenna, who had her hands over her ears. Did I mention that the baby cries loud?

In the process of leaping off of the couch, Kaemie has let the baby's head fall back too far, so the baby is crying louder. And Kenna is screaming. And Puzzle is howling. And I am laughing my fool head off. Kaemie is trying to soothe this baby by rocking it and Puzzle is chasing her all over the living room. Puzzle eventually catches her and bites her leg. Now I can barely breathe, I am laughing so hard.

Kaemie gets the baby calmed and Kenna goes in search of her shooting range style ear covers. Then the baby cries again and Kaemie bends to pick it up and lets its head fall back again so it wails louder. She is dancing around, trying to soothe the baby and avoid Puzzle's jaws of death. At some point, the baby's head drops back again. When calm is finally restored, I looked at Kaemie and pointed out that in the half hour we have been home, she has abused the baby three times. Poor Kaemie started crying. I felt bad, but it make me laugh even more.

This is going to be a long weekend!