Ugly

Things are getting ugly at home. My girls and I are just not getting along. We are talking nasty to each other, and talking quickly degenerates to yelling.

Kenna is saying "you aren't my boss" and "this isn't your business" and all kinds of mean things. She refuses to do anything. Mornings have been hell with her stalling and refusing to get dressed.

Kaemie is being rude to Kenna and using sarcasm to deal with her, which does not work on Kenna. Kaemie is quietly disobediant to me. She doesn't yell at me that she is not going to do something, she just doesn't do it.

I am tired. My attitude towards my kids pretty much sucks. I'm shutting down and don't even want to deal with either one. I love them, but they are just wearing me out.

It's not just them. I know my attitude stinks, too. We need to get out of this funk and be nice to each other.

Fail

Here it is, the end of November, and I have failed again. I started out strong. I had a plot and I knew what I wanted to write. But I guess I didn't care enough. I wrote a little over 8,000 words for my novel for NaNoWriMo and then I quit. I had the best intentions. I really wanted to succeed this year. But I couldn't make it happen.

But on a more positive note, I continued to take care of my kiddos, I worked two jobs, I survived through several terrible stomach bugs, and I became a Girl Scout leader. Yea, Me!

Not The Usual Suspect

Friday night is the night I try to get some house cleaning done. Not a lot, but I would like to begin the weekend with a comfy, cozy, clean-ish, house. This past Friday Kenna and I were doing some chores in the living room and kitchen. Kenna was actually helping. She didn't like it, but she was helping. Kaemie was doing something in her room. I went in there and talked to her. She said she was cleaning her room. I got mad about something, I don't even remember what it was, but I lectured her with my "mommy voice" (not yelling) for several minutes. After this lecture I went back to the kitchen.

Moments later, Kenna is right there, tugging on my shirt, telling me that Kaemie called me a name. When I asked what Kaemie called me and granted Kenna permission to say it (because she would never say that word) she told me that Kaemie called me a "bitch." I laughed. You see, Kaemie does not call me names. Kaemie is sixteen years old and has never screamed "I hate you" at me. She has never stomped off to her room and slammed her door. I am not exaggerating. NEVER. I laughed all the way down the hallway to confront Kaemie. I laughed with Kenna following me with a smug look on her face. She just knew Kaemie was gonna get it.

I was laughing so hard I could barely get the words out to ask Kaemie if she called me a bitch. Kaemie was laughing too. She nodded while she was laughing, though. Then she said, "I didn't call you a bitch, I said you were acting like a bitch." How she said that with a straight face I will never know, but it made me laugh even harder. Now the look on Kenna's face has changed from smug to confused. Kenna gets in trouble when she calls people (me) a bitch. She is looking from Kaemie to me and back again with wide eyes and a arrogant/questioning look on her face. She is waiting for Kaemie to get grounded, soap, or even worse. I had to stop laughing long enough to explain to her that Kaemie was in trouble for calling me a name, but that since Kaemie didn't do it very often I wasn't sure of her punishment yet, and just because I was laughing about Kaemie doing it didn't mean that I would laugh the next time Kenna did it. And I reminded her that she was being a tattle-tale.

Kenna Quote of the Week - Part 2

Kenna has started this weird "tic" where she just moves her head to the side, leaving her neck still. It looks like she is trying to pop her neck, but it is odd. She did this "tic" during her entire school program last night. Kaemie and I commented on it after the program. "Kenna, you were ticcing like crazy up there." She said, "Oh, man! I didn't tic all morning so of course I had to tic tonight!"

I guess that during rehersal, someone reminded her not to do that, but they couldn't remind her not to do it during the performance. She did real well, though. Such a cutie!

Kenna Quote of the Week

Last night Kenna didn't get to bed until after 9:30 because of her school program. When I tucked her in she asked if she could read. I told her that since it was so late, she couldn't. She told me that she was going to read if she wanted because I wasn't her boss. I kissed her good-night and quietly walked out of her room, flipping the light switch off as I went by. I hear her whisper, "I hate you."

Nice? No. But I won that one.

Vote!

I was at the polling place by 6:40 AM and out by 7:00 AM. Not bad. I hope everyone gets out to vote. I thought I would use this opportunity to share Kenna's reasoning for voting for Obama at school. "That other guy, (is it McCain?) wants to build a gate around the United States to keep Mexico out." Well, we all have our reasons! I wish you short lines and working machines!

NaNoWriMo Word Count

NaNoWriMo

Yes, I am going to try it again. I am going to try to write a 50,000 word novel in thirty days during National Novel Writing Month (NaNoWriMo). I have failed miserably the past two years but I am determined to get it done this year. It will more than likely by crap, but it will be my crap. Any encouragments, dares, rewards, or bribes will be accepted and expected. Any ideas for plots or plot twists will also be appreciated. I will update as time allows on my word count (or lack thereof). Less than two weeks until it starts - wish me luck.

Aww... He Likes Me!

The girls and I went to the Sedgwick County Zoo yesterday. It was a beautiful day, about 75 degrees, but kind of windy. We thought the animals would be active, but most seemed to have just eaten and were ready to snooze. Kaemie wanted to see the penguins. They were all in the water playing, diving to the bottom of the pool and then shooting up to jump up out of the water. Kenna wanted to see the bears. They were not so active. They just sat on the edge of their pool, staring at the water, until they both laid down to take a mid-afternoon nap. Same with the lion. He was laying on the top of a rock surveying his small, artificial kingdom. The gorillas were also lethargic.

The chimps were slightly more active. I even made friends with one of them. He was in the outside part of his habitat, and he walked up to the glass where I was standing. He stared at me for a few minutes, and then he went to the indoor portion. I wandered in the building for several minutes, then went over to see the chimps. I sat down on a bench by the glass, and the same little chimp walked over and sat down by the glass right in front of me. I watched him for a while, then got up so some of the kids could see him up close. I sat down a couple of benches down. Eventually this same chimp saw me and walked over to where I was and sat down by the glass in front of me again. He pressed his lips to the glass and stared at me. I had to see what would happen, so I walked away again and sat down. A few minutes later, he followed me! He sat down again and put his lips on the glass again. I must say I was flattered. Here's a picture of me and my new friend!

Are Hugs OK?

I don't want to start any big political discussions or get people riled up about feminism, but I have figured out what my biggest gripe (of the many I have) with Sarah Palin is. I have a hard time watching her let men hug her. She is supposed to be a professional. I personally feel that handshakes would be more appropriate from one professional to another. Do men think that just because she is a woman they can grope her? Does she think that because she is a woman that she should let them? And one of the foreign leaders she met (finally) commented freely on her looks and she let him. Is that ok? When professional men meet, they shake hands. And they definately don't comment on each other's looks. I imagine it will be hard to get people to respect her when all they see is a pretty face and a potential cheap feel.

Floods, Mud, Pickin'

Last weekend we went to the Walnut Valley Bluegrass Festival in Winfield. What an experience! Camping, old friends, new friends, great bluegrass and folk music, walk-abouts, campside jams... I already miss it. The girls and I look forward to this weekend all year. I've heard "It takes a year to recover from Winfield, and Winfield to recover from a year.

This year was a little different. The Walnut River flooded the campgrounds after 9 inches of rain farther up north. In fact, it even flooded the fairgrounds where the festival is held. Here's a link to a picture of what it looked like.

http://www.newscow.net/story.php?StoryID=2331

The campers were spread all over the county. We ended up camping at The Quail Valley Fun Barn. Not a lot of people were there, but we had music around us part of the night. Camping so far away from the fairgrounds made it interesting. In the past, we have been able to walk to our camp whenever we needed a break, or a thirst quencher, or a jacket. This year we had to plan ahead and pack whatever we needed to enjoy the shows we wanted to see. We stayed at the shows longer so we didn't drive back and forth, so we got to see some great acts. But we did miss the campground jams that make this festival so great. Still, it was a great, but short, weekend, and I'm already counting down the days until the next "3rd weekend in September."

Kenna Quote of the Week

When the alarm clock went off: "Turn that damn thing off, you stupid bitches!"

Sweet Sixteen

My baby turned on Monday. Yup, Kaemie is the legal age to drive now. I feel so bad that we don't have time to go get her driver's license anytime soon (insert sarcasm here).

Kaemie is a good kid. She is definately my success story. I trust her to make good choices (usually). The past sixteen years have flown by. I hope she can say that she had a good childhood, despite her mom.

Happy birthday, Kaemie! I love you!

Reliving My Youth

Poison still ROCKS!

I went to their concert at the Kansas State Fair this past Sunday.

I did this

more times that night than I've done in my whole life. My friend Jennifer went with me. I didn't take any pictures because I guess we were both so excited about going that we both forgot our cameras. Doesn't matter, I'll remember it for a long time, despite the four beers. I guzzled those pretty quickly so I could ROCK OUT without worrying about spilling them!

I felt old when Brett Michaels said that Poison has been making music for 22 years! Yeah, I probably saw one of their first concerts. 22. Years. Ago. It was my first rock concert (SHH... my parents think my first concert was Bon Jovi the following year). Then I felt really old when I woke up the next day and my knees hurt from dancing and jumping and my arms hurt from clapping and waving.

But, just so ya know... I ROCK AT CONCERTS!!!!

Volleyball Begins

Kaemie made the volleyball team! I am so proud of her because she has worked hard this summer, going in every week and conditioning. She looks great and has some muscle definition in her arms and legs. She probably made the junior varsity team, although her coach mentioned she might be fighting for a spot on the varsity team. The games start in a couple of weeks, so I know where I will be every Tuesday night.



The volleyball coach wanted every girl on the team to take a weights class. Kaemie tried it for about a week and then dropped it to take a computer class. I was a little disappointed because I thought she might have hurt her chances to make varsity by doing that. She doesn't think she did. Then I got to thinking about it, and every other day she would have had 1 1/2 hours of weights, then 3 hours of volleyball practice. That seems like a lot of physical activity for someone who is not a professional athlete (i.e. not getting paid). I made her promise to stay on the volleyball team, try out for soccer, and condition and take the class next year.

Kaemie says that volleyball and soccer are not her passions, so she isn't sure if she wants to play either sport the rest of high school or in college. I tried to explain to her that she can get good at these sports and get paid to go to college and play, or she can go to college on her own and have to work to pay for college. I'm not sure it has sunk in with her about how getting athletic scholarships can help. I have a couple more years to work on this.

Tartar Sauce

It has been another long week. Kenna fights everything I say. I'm pretty sure we are on each other's last nerve. We both can't even talk to each other in a nice voice. I hope that since she is spending time with grandma this weekend, we can start fresh Sunday night and try to be pleasant to each other.

Kenna was born with Spina Bifida so she has some medical issues we have to deal with everyday. Her bladder does not work, so she has to catheterize (cath) herself every 4 hours or so. This is not real difficult. I started cathing her when she was just over 1 year old, and she learned to do it herself when she was 5. However, she still fights me about cathing almost everytime. We had a talk last week and agreed that she would rather cath right when she gets home instead of having to take a bathroom break during the after school program.

We agreed that when we got home she would say "hi" to the kitties and go straight to the bathroom. HA! Monday did not go so smoothly. She says she lied about agreeing with me so I would leave her alone. That is how she justified not going straight to the bathroom the first night. I finally hit on a solution. We went back outside the apartment to "practice" coming home from school. Kenna and I went outside the door, shut it, and I said "I'm so glad we're finally home from work and school." Kenna started banging on the door and crying. I opened the door and she took off down the hallway, yelling that she would go! Then she went right on past the bathroom. I grabbed her as she was entering her room, and we went back outside to practice again. This time it worked. She was mad, but she went. The next night I just had to remind her that if she forgot about what to do when she got home, we could practice again. She is a quick learner.

Also on Monday, Kenna randomly uttered the words "Tartar Sauce." She didn't yell it and it didn't make sense in the convesations. I was confused, but I didn't acknowledge it. I didn't want to encourage her. I thought maybe they had fish for lunch at school. Nope. I found out the next day that "Tartar Sauce" is how Sponge Bob expresses his displeasure over something. Hmm. I'm still confused because Kenna hasn't watch that show in weeks. It is amazing to me how random her little brain is!

Summer is Over, and I Am Back

So I haven't posted for a while. Summer has been busy and it went by so fast. We went to the Spina Bifida conference in Tucson AZ in June and visited with my brother who lives there. Pictures and details will follow in a later post. Kaemie conditioned for volleyball. Kenna had fun with grandma. I worked.

School has started and we are still busy. Kenna is still stalling about getting dressed every morning and fighting about bed every night. But she is looking forward to school. She will be in the before and after school program. I'm hoping she will have chances to complete her homework, and also establish some friendships.

Kaemie will probably make the volleyball team. That means practice every week night until 6:30 and also Saturday mornings. She is also taking drama, and she wants to try out for the first musical. She is nervous about starting a new high school, but says the first two days went well and she did know some people. She actually has homework this weekend. Yuck.

ODD

I don't mean weird. I mean Oppositional Defiance Disorder. My little one is diagnosed with that, along with ADHD. Kenna is very oppositional, and defiant. This behavior does not occur in any other setting except home, so of course I feel like I must just be a bad parent. However, I try to be consistent and she has been seeing a therapist for over a year. Nothing seems to work. You would think that after living with me for over 8 years, she would know what to expect and know that I mean what I say.

The best thing to come out of therapy is that I don't react to her the way I used to. That doesn't mean that she behaves, but it means that I don't get so angry and we don't fight so much.

Here's an example of her defiant behavior. We get up about the same time every morning to get ready for work and school. Every day this past week, Kenna has refused to get dressed. I tell her she has 20 minutes, and she calls me a liar. I tell her she has 10 minutes and she calls me stupid and tells me I'm not her boss. With 5 minutes left, she is screaming at me not to pack her clothes to take to the babysitter. When I grab her stuff and try to grab her, she starts begging for one more chance. I try to explain that there are no chances because the time is up. These kinds of days have been going on for months, but we've never done it everyday of the week. It is like she doesn't learn from one episode to the next.

I know she is not concerned about going to the sitter's and getting dressed, but she really doesn't like have to be carried outside in her pjs knowing that any neighbors will see her. I try to teach by natural consequences, but this lesson does not seem to be setting in.

I know all this stubbornness will be important for her, in fact it has already helped her overcome some major obstacles in her short life. I just wish she would save her energy to fight important battles!

Robot Baby

Kaemie brought home a robot baby from her high school parenting class. She has been talking about this for weeks now, and planned on bringing it to my house instead of her dad's. I really didn't think it would be a big deal. Of course, that was before the last twenty-four hours.

If you haven't seen one, basically it is a life size baby doll that is computer programmed to act like a baby and cry at random times. It has sensors that respond to feeding, burping, and rocking. When it cries, the "mommy" has to figure out what the baby needs and provide it in an appropriate fashion. The baby also has a floppy neck like a real baby and if you let it flop it screams. I think this is recorded as "abuse."

So Kaemie has this baby with her when I pick her up. We stopped at a garage sale, and many people thought she had a real baby. When they looked close, you could tell it was fake, but a quick glance could fool you. Several people commented on it. One lady told me to whip up some "sour milk" so when the baby cried over night I could dump the milk on the very same daughter who used to throw up on me. Sounded like a great idea until the baby caused its own drama in our household.

We picked up Kenna and all got home. Kenna has also been talking about this baby for weeks. She was excited about being an "aunt." By the way, I was not looking forward to being called "Grandma" all weekend, but I decided to do it for the sake of the simulation. Kaemie and I sat on the couch with Kaemie holding the baby and Kenna was standing by Kaemie to see the baby. Sounds like a very calm family moment, right? It was a very short moment, and then the chaos started.

The baby started crying. Swirley, our orange tabby cat, took off to parts unknown. We haven't seen her since. Puzzle, the black kitty, freaked out. She howled, which got my attention. I turned to see Puzzle biting the babies head! Puzzle got pushed off of Kaemie's lap when Kaemie leaped off of the couch. So Puzzle jumped onto the arm of the couch and bit Kenna, who had her hands over her ears. Did I mention that the baby cries loud?

In the process of leaping off of the couch, Kaemie has let the baby's head fall back too far, so the baby is crying louder. And Kenna is screaming. And Puzzle is howling. And I am laughing my fool head off. Kaemie is trying to soothe this baby by rocking it and Puzzle is chasing her all over the living room. Puzzle eventually catches her and bites her leg. Now I can barely breathe, I am laughing so hard.

Kaemie gets the baby calmed and Kenna goes in search of her shooting range style ear covers. Then the baby cries again and Kaemie bends to pick it up and lets its head fall back again so it wails louder. She is dancing around, trying to soothe the baby and avoid Puzzle's jaws of death. At some point, the baby's head drops back again. When calm is finally restored, I looked at Kaemie and pointed out that in the half hour we have been home, she has abused the baby three times. Poor Kaemie started crying. I felt bad, but it make me laugh even more.

This is going to be a long weekend!

We All Just Wanna Be Rock Stars

The girls dressed up like rock stars and took loads of pictures. Such hams! Hopefully I'll have more from this photo shoot soon!

Introduction

I'm excited about starting a blog. I just hope I can keep it up. I've been know to start things and never finish them. I plan on doing this to keep a journal of my life. It is not exciting to many others, but it is to me. Some notes about me which will probably be the topics I blog about:

I have two girls, Kaemie and Kenna (me + them = three girls).
I refer to the girls as my "squirrels."
I have two cats, Swirly and Puzzle (two cats).
I live in a small apartment in the midwest (now you get the title).
I am a liberal-leaning democrat.
My family members are all conservative-standing republicans.
I often want to leave the dinner table when the political and religious discussions begin.
I don't leave the dinner table when the political and religious discussions begin.
I like to tell stories.
I like to talk about my kids. Kaemie is 15 and has developed the drama that comes with being a teenager. Kenna is 8 and comes with built in drama.
I am sure I will have more to talk about soon, and I hope anyone who stops by enjoys my stories.