Dateless in Doo-dah

Ok, so I've been single for a while. A long while. For some time I was raising two kids, going to school full time, working full time, and volunteering. I didn't have time to date. Now that I have time, several factors are working against me. I work in a female dominated field so I don't meet men. I am overweight so the men I meet aren't interested. And when I do meet someone who is interested, I still don't have much time because of kids, work, and volunteering. Oh, and I don't really care. Sure I'd like to meet someone to spend some time with, but I'm not interested in committment at this time.



So I joined this dating website. Its free, so that tells me my level of interest. I'm not lonely or bored enough to pay to meet someone. Anyone who does pay, please don't be offended - I'm really just not that interested in dating. But I thought I would give this a try.

Let me tell you about the last couple of guys I met through this site. We'll call the first one "Buddy." Just disregard the fact that that is his real name. Tip off right away, huh? How mature can he be when he has been called "Buddy" all his life? So we talk on the phone and arrange to meet at a local bar. We talk for about an hour. He is funny, smart, and not bad looking. He doesn't care that I'm overweight. Perfect. Then when I leave, he tries to kiss me! Now I am not a prude, but even in my wilder, younger days I didn't kiss on the first date (well, mostly).

We decide to go out again a couple of nights later to a Chinese Buffet. Dinner was fun, except for everytime I got up he would put his hand on my butt. Again, not a prude, but ewww! When we are saying good-bye and he tries to kiss me again, I backed away and got in my car. The next day I get an email about how I hurt his feelings. I tried to explain that I would like to get to know him better before we start sharing spit, and I used the dreaded phrase "take it slow." At the time I didn't know it was dreaded, but now I do. He proceeded to inform me by email that when a woman says "take it slow" she means she wants the guy to buy her dinner and take care of her but "no sex." He ended this long rant by informing me that (his words) "no guy will ever be able to make you happy unless they realize that it is all about you." Well... duh? Of course it is all about me. (That was sarcasm).

I did not reply. I really wanted to have the last word. I'm like that. I have to have the last word. It was painful (and still is, six months later). What he said wasn't painful, I know myself well and I was just being me, but not sending a scathing email back was painful. I wanted to tell him that of course it was all about me. I wanted to type that catch all word "whatever." But I didn't reply. I just let it go. That email exchange could still be going on now if I had not just let it go.

Fast forward a couple of months. New guy, can't remember his name. He doesn't like to talk on the phone and neither do I so we communicated with text messages. This "relationship" lasted two weeks. And I do feel like it was an entire relationship. We got to know each other. We had a heated discussion/argument. We agreed to disagree and made up. Then he broke up with me. Oh, yeah - did I mention this was all by text message? That's right, we never talked or met. There is really no more to say about that - it speaks for itself.

Now join me in present day. Remember Buddy? He's back. I guess changing my profile picture confused him. That's right, he messaged me. I checked out his profile and I made it on his profile! Check out what he wrote:

RED FLAG PHRASES: (Things women say to ensure losing a man before she dates him)

1. "I like to take it slow".
Although this sounds like something you want to make sure you say up front, dont! What a man hears when you say that is, "I want you to buy me dinners and entertain me until you finally get bored and dump me, then I can mooch off the next guy", or some men may take this as a challenge, forgetting about a relationship and just wanting to bed ya then leave, adding another notch to the ole lovestick.


I AM THE NUMBER ONE RED FLAG PHRASE! How great is that? I am honored - I mean shamed.

So I couldn't resist. I replied with:

Thanks for contacting me, but I can tell you are the kind of guy who could never make me happy because you would never understand that it is truly all about me. Good Luck.

Do you see? Do you get it? I used his words! How clever was I? Do you think I got the last word? Of course I didn't. Try to remember how mature this guy must be. He wrote back:

then you're a typical woman, and you're fat

ouch.

Dang it, I let my sarcasm show again... Stay tuned!